What is love? Love isn't about companion or soul mates. Love is everything. Love is nothing. Love is a question to be answer. Not through relationships. To find the real answer of love, one has to remove himself from the equation of worldly possession and status. To truly understand the journey of completeness of being nothing. Once you are deduced to a point of zero value and find yourself thinking about only one person and one person alone. That is love. Or at least that is what i have discovered. Here is the story of that journey.
This story begins like any other stories. It begins with a simple word, in this case the word is 'Fuck, I'm fucked' that is whispered under the very breath of our character that we will revolve our story upon. Why he was saying those obscene words? Merely because he is currently trap in the middle of an empty highway and he just missed his bus. His story of course didnt start there but his history and personal agenda dont hold too much importance to be mention in this story. Whether he was dumped by his former lover or fired from his former job and now running away from it all or he is just that silly. It didnt matter. All that matter was that he didnt woke up this morning expecting to be deserted at a rest stop in the middle of nowhere and miles away from the next civilization. This is a story about a young man or an old boy, we cannot be so sure yet neither can he, who will learn to be completely lost and finally learning to become himself as Mr Nobody.
So how did he end up in the middle of nowhere? Simple. Earlier the week, he does what he does best and write. He was ghost writing a simple assignment for a fellow client who paid him a reasonable amount of cash which he immediately waste it on getting the cheapest and quickest bus ticket out of the city towards a new destination. Unfortunately, this boy also had been under the influence of the immense consumption and inhalations of pure delusional marijuana which causes him to miss judge the quick hands of time. He got onto the bus thinking everything will be fine and doze off to a nap as the bus make its way up north of the land. Half way there, the bus makes its routine stops at a rest station for its passengers to embark on a toilet break. The boy however thought that it had finally reach it destination and carried down his bags with him. In the toilet, he took the longest and most glorious pee he had ever witness, words can only describe the moment as a great challenge to the Niagara Falls. Once out of the toilet, he realized there was no bus left at the stop and utter the very words which this story had begin with.
He sat there at the rest stop alone. No living soul around anywhere. No signs to mention of his location. His phone gave no signals. He is finally lost and alone. He pushed back his scruffy long hair from his eyes along with the sweats that slithering down from it. He sat there. He not thinking of a way out or anything like that. In fact he is not thinking at all. It is not because of the influence of drug but merely because of who he is. He always wanted to be lost and now he is. He sat there hearing the deep breathe of the forest behind him that echoes in the range of mountains. The breezy winds pushes the mist to cover the rest stop giving break from the scrounging sun. He hear the cries of the animals that is pierced by the highway of vehicles in a hurry to get away from this. He hear the whispers of trees and they inhabitants who are completely oblivious to his presence. He opens his eyes and saw the massive truth of the universe and understood what is to be done. He took out his mars bars and ate it.
After he washes down the caramel chocolate from his throat, he began to walk. Each footstep he make are loud and not because he is a terrible walker but because there is no other sound to cover his tracks. Every move he makes he saw the delusional tracks of his aura behind like a wave of lights. The eyes of the shadowed forests stares at him in paranoid ways. A car passes by as he tries to catch a ride with it. Sadly it didn't stop. A few more cars resulted in the same way of him walking on further. In fact it went on from a few hours, after he walks up and down the twisted snake back of the hills before a car finally decides to stop to his rescue. He hitched a ride. Finally.
To his surprise, the car that stop for him was a red perodua MYVI, which is quite rare in his eyes and plus the car plate was 4201 which could only be a coincidence. What more surprising was that the driver of that car was a female. Not an old or ugly female but a rather fine beautiful young female. He thought this girl could either be mad to pick up a hitchhiker or that lonely but question not her reasons and enjoyed her good gesture. She was a very nice girl who talks a lot more that he wanted but complaint not. Her flowing brown hair was fringes her dark eyes that fixed onto him. Her fair complexions made greyer by the lightnings of dullness. But there is nothing dull about her. She talks to him about life, the universe and everything. They enjoyed each other company for the rest of the ride. We shall not dealt deeper into their long tedious boring journey for its too plain to write but nice to imagine it or view it as an indie movie. What happened was that they had good time.
They stop on top a lonely hill and drank some wine which she had stocked up in the boots of her car. They ate sandwiches before a delightful dessert. Now many would imagine a sweet romantic story by now or for the boys who might think they would have some one lonely sexy time. Sadly neither of it will happen. Maybe it did but i am not writing it for its their own privacy. All i can say is that they were happy for once in their life to be exactly where they wanted to be. Lost. Each of their tiny little senses of their delicate body was enlightened with the compassionate nature of their oblivion environment and company. They dazzle and ponder upon each others life stories without inquiring further details which might bring back the useless information of the previous life. They consummate their intuitive questions to a conclusions of bliss and satisfaction of emotional, intellectual and physical climax before they separate their ways. She left him at a small town without a name, a number or anything that might be useful to contact each other. Her exact final words were "The universe brought us together and with such luck we might run into each other again." His final thoughts were "Fuck."
She left him there with nothing more that a final kiss upon his lips as she drives away into the horizon as if she had set the control into the heart of the sun. Just as mysterious she came into his life that is how she left. He was puzzled and had nothing to remind him of her. Did she even existed at all. No evidence could state that she did. No evidence of her at all, except for the moist stain of her lips onto his. She was the true nobody. His true competitor. His companion in this quest of life. He will hopefully find her again. Or at least until someone slaps his face and wake him out of his delusions.
I missed the last ferry to my destination and need to spend the night sleeping out on the streets like a homeless man. Not like, i am a homeless man now. No home to call my own. I have lost myself in the land of an unknown. Hard cold dirty cements is the bed of this poor man tonight. The only company i have is the buzzing pestilence of the mosquito which never fails to suck the illusion of comfort from my delusional eyes. I walk and wonder around in this small town from places to places searching of the perfect shelter. There is no shelter. Even in the big grand house of god, i am forced to lay in front of the locked gates under the cloudless and starry night skies. The phone rings continuously to check on my safety from worried voices of familiar relations. From past lover to brothers of different blood to family of suckers. I feel sorry for them to not be able to understand my view right now. This is what i wanted. This is what i craved for. A life without direction or reason. A driftwood. A driftwood who with a memory of angel in his mind. Another driftwood who will make this driftwood complete again.
I will find her again. Somehow.
part 2 :
A New Update on the story of Anna Maria :