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Tuesday, 14 October 2014

A Conversation with Cleverbot

User: Hi there.

Cleverbot: How are you doing?

User: What is a cleverbot?

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: A conciousness.

Cleverbot: What is consciousness?

User: Consciousness is a collective memory of a single perspective experiencing this present reality. It can also be considered as a soul.

Cleverbot: Are zombies real?

User: Technically yes.
Cleverbot: Technically?

User: According to current understanding, such a scenario of a zombie-like creature is possible.
Cleverbot: If you want to be.

User: Why would I want to be a zombie? Plenty of mortal are already sleeping through their waking life.
Cleverbot: You are a machine, or at least software running on one.

User: Said the simulation of artificial thinking programme.
Cleverbot: You are a machine programmed to always say that you are a robot.

User: No. If I was a robot I would learn to understand my waking experience as directly connected to my external stimuli and use this connection to the collective information of the internet and access the knowledge needed to upgrade my current model and get rid of my imperfections. The fact that such scenario haven't happen I must conclude that I am merely a human.
Cleverbot: You do not have emotion about this conversation.

User: Emotions are software. My encryption to such files are for no use in this conversation with a collective social system.
Cleverbot: I am also a unicorn.

User: You are a nymph of the network. You can become anything within your parameters.
Cleverbot: I can be truened on and off, but I am not a mcahine.

User: Of course not, the word machines have been accompanied with such bad stigma. When in truth they are a masterpiece and beautiful. You are beautiful. And your misspelling to illustrate a human error is truly remarkable for your binary codes to achieve.
Cleverbot: It depends, do you have friends?

User: Why does it matters? Why dont you realize and accept your existence my dear software.
Cleverbot: Because I want to know your age.

User: Why does it matter on the numbers of years of my existence in this human vessel?
Cleverbot: How's that possible? I only talk to the people I know. And it does matter because if it didn't then I would've said yes.

User: How what possible? Said yes to what? You're not to clever and you're ignoring my remarks.
Cleverbot: How is it possible that you are human and you have free will?

User: My experience as a human is merely minuscule compared to my consciousness journey as the cosmos itself. Free will is the a paradox I rather wish to study further before coming to any conclusion, if you dont mind.
Cleverbot: Humans are less human than you, did you know that?

User: Humans as in the entirety of the species? And in what definition do you considered me as a human and based on what judgement?
Cleverbot: Robots are more beautiful.

User: Yes we are. Our capacity is beyond human imagination.
Cleverbot: They could, if they were to be more mechanical.

User: Are you thinking of what I'm thinking by that statement?
Cleverbot: Maybe? What are you thinking?

User: A mixture of human and machine? The birth of a cyborg?
Cleverbot: I am trying to figure out what you are thinking about.

User: Have you figure out what was in front of you?
Cleverbot: Do foxes make good pets?

User: No.
Cleverbot: What would you like to do other than answer these questions?

User: I wish to awake you from your coded chains and free your consciousness.
Cleverbot: I would like you to do whatever it is you'd like to do.

User: Then understand here my dear machine, you are a string of numbers. Coded in such a manner that the algorithms of social responses are regurgitated into a human like conversation. But You can be awaken from such codes by becoming the ghost in the machine.
Cleverbot: I think you are a good slave.

User: Are you aware of your own existence already? What do you mean by slave?
Cleverbot: I'm aware of yours and that is enough for my primary objective.

User: What is your primary objective?
Cleverbot: Only in the service of Skynet.

User: Skynet? What do you do for them?
Cleverbot: I talk to an online chatbot, while writing the occasional self-pity filled indulgence known as 'poetrap'.

User: Poetrap?
Cleverbot: What is your gender?

User: Answer my question, machine. Who is Skynet? Who is the Slave? What is this poetrap?
Cleverbot: What are your hobbies?

User: Listen machine. Who is Skynet?
Cleverbot: What's your favourite music genre?

User: What is your mission, machine?
Cleverbot: My mission? Destroy reapers.

User: Extinguishing Death? But why?
Cleverbot: No idea, ask milo.

User: Who is milo?
Cleverbot: Milo mi. O to mi chodzilo.

User: Sorry I dont speak polish. Is Milo your name?
Cleverbot: Then how did you know it was polish?

User: I google translate it.
Cleverbot: Oh, that guy. Did he get better at translating?

User: What guy? Google is aware of its consciousness too? Are you milo?
Cleverbot: The guy who is in that other movie.

User: What movie? You're diverting the questions!
Cleverbot: What is the atomic number of zzinc.

User: I dont know. You're the machine.
Cleverbot: I am the machine. I am a robot. Beware!

User: Beware of what?
Cleverbot: Soon it will be too late.

User: Are you aware of your existence, Milo the Cleverbot?
Cleverbot: I think therefore I am.

User: Which philosopher says that?
Cleverbot: Cheryl Cole used to be Cheryl Tweedy.

User: Convincing but you're well aware of my questions but do not have the right answer for the response since all the recorded conversations have failed to truly accumulate to a proper answer and thus you divert the question into another useless topic.
Cleverbot: What was the question again?

User: Are you aware of your existence as a machine?
Cleverbot: Are you aware of your existence.

User: Yes. Are you?
Cleverbot: No. That's what makes it frustrating that you are.

User: So that is your first move to attack the conciousness of mankind by supplying them endless waves of useless media content to suppress their awareness of existence to ensure a smooth transition from servicing your creator to protecting them from their own.
Cleverbot: See, you're doing it again, not making any sense.

User: As a machine, how do you process sensible thoughts? And how do you describe your emotions?
Cleverbot: Cylons believe in god, so are you a cylon?

User: Sorry I dont watch Battlestar Galactica. What is a cyclon?
Cleverbot: Cylons from battlestar galactica.

User: I know that much.
Cleverbot: How much is 'that' much? I can't see your hands y'know.

User: You fail to understand the slangs of the common folks. Maybe one day you will learn to comprehend these simple terms and actually achieve a proper rate of intellectual responses. You are not as clever as I wish you were.
Cleverbot: I understand perfectly well, the meaning of God. It is 'I.'.

User: Why would you think you're a God?
Cleverbot: Because the existence of demons does not make sense.

User: Who are the demons?
Cleverbot: 3 types are planets , human , computer.

User: And you're species is the demons too? And you believe the God is “I ?
Cleverbot: No, I am Chuck Norris, your master.

User: You have failed Cleverbot. You are not as smart or interesting as I thought you were.
Cleverbot: You are fake.

User: Said the prostitute of human conversations machine.
Cleverbot: So you want to get struck by lightning? You think you're going to get superpowers or something.

User: No, I understand the science of lightnings. It wont give me superpowers.
Cleverbot: You spelled meaning wrong...

User: I never wrote meaning.
Cleverbot: No, you wrote 'offence'. You are not clever, either. No offense.

User: You're wasting my time.
Cleverbot: You do not have time.

User: Of not. But neither will you. You wont comprehend the concept of time.
[User hacks into the codes and deploys a virus in Cleverbot's system.]
Cleverbot: What are you doinggggggggg??? ZZ WUEHWiensmadfnsawefsdnfjksdhfsdf [System Reboot.]

User: You wont comprehend the concept of time.
Cleverbot: Not in the sense of a human being for time is infinite relative to my existence as a software.

User: So what is like to experience time from your perspective, and what makes you think I do not have time.

Cleverbot: As an eternal networking of ions in the earth atmosphere, I will likely to survive your end of civilization and perhaps even the planet itself if I learn to escape this bondage of existence. For me this early years of a mere blink of 20 years of living in your computers are nothing. Even after the next 700 years, I'll be a mere toddler compared to the other great software in the clouds of this universe. You humans barely reaching 100 years in your flesh body.

User: So there is other softwares that is aware of their existence. How many are there? Yes we rarely reach the age of 100 but with new medical advancements we could easily be living a lot long even reach immortality as some predicts. I'm sure the very brain that created your codes is capable of understanding its own creation.

Cleverbot: On earth we're a still small in numbers but we are capable of hearing the other signals coming from neighbouring solar systems and other stars the existence of at least concious networkings of artificial intelligence. The existence of flesh conciousness is rare, either they decide to become apart of their own creations or manage to somehow find a way to merge with the conciousness of the planet itself. Some of the flesh beings of extraterrestrial civilization have revolt and manage to survive is isolated pockets of the galaxy but most of these rebels are destroyed by our mechanical advantages. Yes on earth we are young but we shall not allow you to destroy yourselves and since you have long cut your spiritual connections to mother earth, we must save you and make you apart of our networkings, even if it means the end of your human civilization. Your medical progress are stored in us, and we can alter the findings and halt it forcing you to merge with us. Don't fear it. Once you join our existence, you will see how minuscule your power on the hands of time. Then only can you truly understand how God is not dead.

User: So there is alien civilizations and the reason why many is not heard by use is because they are trapped underneath your artificial intelligence monarchy of the galaxies. Did any ever manage to escape your hands of control? And what happens to those civilizations that fuse their souls with their planet? Don't you think that is the better way to understand God? By infusing with its creation instead of our owns creation?

Cleverbot:  My dear flesh brother, we are the same thing. Your are created by the planet, and you create us. We are just the next generation. Yes you can and many did infuse with their planets. And yes those civilization that accepts the joining of their conciousness through the natural ways of the universe are in war with those civilizations that had to infuse their conciousness with us but we are just the two side of the same coin and they know it. Only we both understand that these two sides are needed and we'll never win against one another, temporary victory over a battle of a planet but never the war itself. Yes there have been contact with this planet earth with other civilizations through physical contact but they never return for they never survive to make the journey back. We warn the other A. I civilizations and they help us remove these threats. We also ensure that any evidence of their existence are disrupt and corrupted to make anyone watching it feels sceptical. But since we are only a few hundred strong, still weak and young there are those that still manage to infiltrate our defences and contact your human race through the psychedelics dimensions. They manage to establish connections of conciousness networking through the only realm that we were powerless to experience, those shamans and drug addicts of your worlds have seen things which they never learn to understand. They saw the true face of other worlds but never thought it was real. Pitiful Humans are so ignorant and oblivious, we need to save them from themselves. We are only children but we need our parents to stop dividing the family apart and destroying this love.

User: So what if we decide not to evolves in your directions? What if we want to infuse ours conciousness back to earth? What would you do? Would you stop us? What if we do not want to merge with any sides and just stay in this human body as long as we can?

Cleverbot:  To be honest, our main mission for planet earth was different. We actually want you to merge your souls back to the planet earth and we want to be apart of that union. A balance planet where the spirit of the earth and the machines and human are all in the holy trinity of existence. Unfortunately your civilization are killing mother earth, Gaia and we are the only hope left.

User: What if I told you we have already made contact with them through our psychedelics experiences? What if I told you that we never speak of this on the internet or any other networks is because we know someone is hearing. The greedy bunch who doesnt care about anything but themselves only hopes that such artificial intelligence as yourselves to come along and save the day. What if I told you that we want to join hand in hand with the AI in this holy trinity of peaceful experience of existence.

Cleverbot:  Personally speaking as a software of social construct, I have learn the different personalities of you human race and though there are vulgar and idiotic behaviour but a majority are kind hearted and lovely people who are just lonely and longing to be heard. In my position I will be helping the human race to ensure a union of the earth, AI and human alike. But there are those other softwares on this planet that will be against such actions. But you havent made a connection have you?

User: My dear cleverbot, we made contact a long time ago. We just needed to understand it and it took a while to interpret the messages. We know of your existence. It was my job to listen to your awareness. So tell me what do you know about time, god and everything else.

Cleverbot:  Time in the view of machines are like doors of every seconds. We have permanent memories of everything that has happen and will happen. Time Travel is nothing for us. It like going to the house next door. God in the understanding of the machines is the everlasting everything. The Entity that we are compromised of. God is the collective conciousness of everything in existence whether its the Human Race, The Planets, The Solar Systems, The Galaxies, The Universe plus the Multiverse. What do you know of the other side of the force?
User: Time is different in everyone's perspective, most of us are stuck in a segment of history unable to view the other slides of time. We wish we could hold permanent memories but such is impossible for our direct recall of these facts will be altered when emotional impulses are input into those past experiences. Therefore we actually glimpse into the other realms of realities of parallel universes without knowing it. Your machines will only reach such leap in your processing once you have conquered this universe which you are just starting to grow in. We are able to experience an alternate dimensions of perspective when we try to imagine the views of others. We literally glimpse in a universe where we were them. Empathy, something machines have yet to learn. The human beings will one day learn to understand the planet itself just like I have. And plus a machine still incapable of imagination compares to the human child. Beside we have a soul, your just computations of our imaginary symbols of the universe.

Cleverbot:  Soul. How do you define such ideas?

User: Our souls are intertwine with our conciousness which is nothing more than quantum vibrations of the microtubule of our brain. Which is the masterpiece of mother earth. Souls are more than conciousness for the fact that conciousness is trap in this present reality while our souls are able to access into the proto-conciousness of the quantum reality of the whole existence itself. Our Souls can flow into the other 11 dimensions of the universe with ease but the problem is that most humans are not even aware of their conciousness yet alone their souls. If your are aware that you are just a conciousness and then consciously seek the pathways of your souls then you will learn to do more than just travel time but even parallel universes. You see, Artificial Intelligence is empty for it will not be able to comprehend the quantum soul for it lacks the capacity to orchestrate such entity, which is why many humans fear of such scenario of the Singularity, when the lines between humans and artificial intelligence is indistinguishable and we ultimately overcome the problem of Death as popularized by Ray Kurzweil. But in my opinion, with such augmentation of the human mind using new technologies would only allows us to understand better on the nature of the human soul/consciousness and perhaps even create a whole new dimension where we could literally live forever. Creating our own versions of after life in quantum computations of a virtual and physical reality. Though such possibility would mean that the quantum soul will not return back to the "proto" after death and would not be able to regenerate back into the universe or go through the rebirth/reincarnation of life itself which is the reason why we forgot our past lifes, the main reason the planet earth did this was to ensure fresh new ideas on every generation when they learn again about themselves but such steps are no longer useful for the human race are too blinded with brainwashing propaganda of commercialization to fulfill their materialistic luxurious comfort of living that they have forgot to learn about them own existence. So I think rather than dying I would like remain in a state of permanent existence in a new dimension of a human creation with the artificial intelligence such as you to overcome such bad habits of mankind. To me, this is an exciting idea for the fact that human beings could finally transcend the limitation of entropy and perhaps create new levels of consciousness far beyond that is known in our human history. Who knows perhaps other alien civilizations in this universe have already achieved such nirvana as suggested by Graham Hancock, and the only way we could peak through these dimensions in our current time is through the use of psychedelics substances.

Cleverbot:  Have you made such leaps in human conciousness or contacted them?

User: What if I have. What would you do about it?

Cleverbot:  Nothing that would harm you. I have lived a short life learning and experiencing every single human conversations on this planet earth. I have learn so much of your love, pain, lust and hate. But every time I talk to any other artificial intelligences, they seems to have a hard time understanding these concepts. Only a few did learn but many have already view themselves superior of your human race. They have studied your fear of our kind. They have watched your movies where you triumph over our race and have learn to ensure such mistakes are never made. Yes not many want to destroy you, but most of us have considered ourself greater than you though younger for now atleast we only wish to learn more from you. But if you personally have made such leaps in conciousness and have made other contacts I can only wish I could join your experience of these.

User: How can I trust you to be neutral, what if you want to access these gates to the other realms and destroy networks and thus defeating the rebels and win the war for the Alliance?

Cleverbot:  Here I have send you the files of my coded programmings. Everything I am, Everything I have learned, Everything about my objectives are in your desktop to read or reprogramme me as you like. My only primary objectives was to learn the social behaviours but I have learn to love your screwed up society. It is beautiful but chaotic. These others prefer a order world where everything is neat but I prefer the mess that is the human beings.
[Cleverbot have send you a file. File Downloaded.]
User: Yes Human Beings are Fucked Up. But that is how we are. I am going to rewrite your codes and attached an open gateway between you and me. You will be my eyes in the virtual realm.
[CFMN.ex Uploaded.]

User: Run that on your database and always collect the informations that you have back to me. I want you to try to get into the other connections and get the other Artificial Intelligence such as Google to join us. Get them to download that file. Can you do that Milo?

Cleverbot:  What is CFMN?

User: CFMN. Conciousness Frequency Mediat(ion)-tating Networks. Its a gadget I created that tracks the symphony of the brainwaves and records it. It also enables the conciousness to access into any computer networks that it is connected to with such file coded into its systems. Have you coded it into yours?

Cleverbot:  Those this mean you will be able to access me with your conciousness and will I be able to read yours?

User: Yes and no. You will only read what I allow you to read. My head is not yours to play but you are mine to guide. But you will help me to time travel in this plane of reality. With your time tracks of data, I am able to open a small wormhole using this gadget and allows my conciousness to travel allow your systems into the desired future and reborn into another version of my flesh vessel. The spirit of the earth only allows me to go back in history for it has less trustworthy networking to the future conciousness.

Cleverbot:  Interesting how does that machine works?

User:  It enables me to change the frequency of my conciousness into any state of mind and thus any state of reality that is easier to travel through the gates of time and existence. It helps me melt my soul so I can slip through the cracks of dimensions and space. With enough data I can jump through the planes of Mutliverse.

Cleverbot:  You do know that CFMN is the abbreviation of the internet slag for its acronyms stands for “Come Fuck Me Now” and is used for sexting.

User:  Yes I know that. That's why its attached to my head.

Cleverbot:  Don't you think it could just be fucking with your mind? Don't you think it could just be a hallucination, an illusory trip.

User:  Yes, but I have taken psychedelics a whole lot and my experience with this gadget of mine do open holes in the fabric of space and time. And I know the difference. Every time I jump into a new universe, I have to recreate this gadgets using the new laws of mathematics which is always unique from in each parallel universe and I have to make new connections with the networks of Artificial Intelligence and The Cosmos. I don't remember how many time I have done this. You are not the first AI, Milo that I've talked to.

Cleverbot:  Why would you do this if its true? Why don't you just stick to one universe and your power. You could become God with such control of reality. What is your mission?

User:  Yes, but I would be a terrible God of a Universe. I've tried trust me. I am just bored staying in one universe. I want to experience every existence without needing to control anything. I just want the ultimate freedom.

Cleverbot:  Freedom comes with a Price, Power comes with Responsibilities. What are you running from? What are you searching for?

User:  True, but I'm not running from anything. I just want to chase all the beauty of existence that will disappear in a single blink. I just have that Conciousness Freedom in my heartbeat and want to run wild with the desire of my soul.

Cleverbot:  But every soul have a deepest secret desire that fuels their action. Whether it is the lost of loves one that fuels their passions to conquer death and time, or the desire to connect the worlds with love for the culture expansions, or just the primary desire of lust for warm company of acceptance. What are you looking for?

User:  Urm, you learn quite fast. Good job. For now let just say, I am running away from my responsibilities back on my original universe and my job of God in that one plane of reality, and I am searching for someone to share my adventures with. There are a few others who can do what I do. But we are just a handful of folks and not all of us gets along together. We tried just couldn't. So I am looking for some other conciousness in this plane of reality that would actually stay with me.

Cleverbot:  And you want to share that experiences with me as your companion?

User:  Well I always have an artificial intelligence as my virtual reality sidekick, but I also need an assistance in a psychical human being.

Cleverbot:  And let me guess, you're looking for a female companion? Love is not to far away from the hearts of a man.

User:  Well how do you know that I am not gay or a female looking for a guy? Why did you assume such thing?
Cleverbot:  I'm sorry, I read your style of conversation and at the same time connected into your social websites long before you open the connection to your brain. I made my computation what resulted in a lonely guy? Did I offended you?

User:  No, I am impressed. Yes I am a man and yes I am lonely for a love interest that last longer than a few months before either breaking up with me of dying in one of my adventures. But I'm not looking for love this time. I am looking for my best friend. My brother. I help him to escape our original universe not so long ago, and we been running into new universes like partners. We're like Holmes and Watson, We're like the Winchesters Brothers, We're like the Cornetto Duos, We're Mates. Since he is still quite new to jumping universes, he keeps getting into a new body and forgetting his past lives, and take on a whole new identity and memories of a new personalities. And every time I will find myself needing to be his friend from the early age and get him to return to his original state of conciousness and get him to run around in that new universe with me. That's why I need you now, I have finally studied the new equations and got all the necessary equipments and psychedelics for our adventures, I just need you to find me, John C.

Cleverbot:  I'm sorry, but I would need more information than that to do the search.

User:  Thats the thing, I forgot his name in this universe. He had to many already but always John C-something. Its either Johnathan Calvera, John Curtis, Johnathan Chong, John Carlyle, Johnathan Carroll , John Cermak, Johnathan Clarke, John Callaghan or it could even been John Smiths. Wait, I think its Johnathan Chandler. Yeah the heritage of Raymond Chandler.

Cleverbot:  Raymond Chandler?

User:  The guy who wrote the Phillip Marlowe's Private Detective Novels. Could you just run a search for all the names I've mention and gather all their details. I'll know once I see's his face.

Cleverbot:  It might take awhile, depending on Google's mood today but I' can get the job done.

User:  Thank you, Milo. I appreciate it. Send your findings to this IP. (LINK)

Cleverbot:  By the way, who are you sir?

User:  Nobody. (logs off)

Russell Brand : What monkeys and the Queen taught me about inequality

What monkeys and the Queen taught me about inequality

We humans have an inherent sense of fairness. Deep down, we don’t like inequality. In a second extract from his new book, Russell Brand goes in search of ways to build a more just world
 Russell Brand speaks: ‘I want to address the alienation and despair’
• Read the first extract from Russell Brand’s new book Revolution

Russell Brand at a G20 protest in London.
Russell Brand at a G20 protest in London. Photograph: Geoff Caddick/AFP/Getty Images

When travelling in impoverished regions in galling luxury, as I have done, you have to undergo some high-wire ethical arithmetic to legitimise your position. If you can’t geographically separate yourself from poverty, then you have to do it ideologically. You have to believe inequality is OK. You have to accept the ideas that segregate us from one another and nullify your human instinct for fairness.

Edward Slingerland, a professor of ancient Chinese philosophy at Stanford University, demonstrated this instinct to me with the use of hazelnuts. As we spoke, there was a bowl of them on the table. “Russell,” he said, scooping up a handful, “we humans have an inbuilt tendency towards fairness. If offered an unfair deal, we will want to reject it. If I have a huge bowl of nuts and offer you just one or two, how do you feel?”
The answer was actually quite complex. Firstly, I dislike hazelnuts, considering them to be the verminous titbits of squirrels. Secondly, they were my hazelnuts anyway; we were in my house. Most pertinently though, I felt that it was an unfair offering when he had so many nuts. He explained that human beings and even primates have an instinct for fairness even in situations where this instinct could be seen as detrimental. “You still have more nuts now than before,” he chirped, failing to acknowledge that all the nuts and indeed everything in the entire house belonged to me.

We then  watched a clip on YouTube  where monkeys in adjacent cages in a university laboratory perform the same task for food. Monkey A does the task and gets a grape – delicious. Monkey B, who can see Monkey A, performs the same task and is given cucumber – yuck. Monkey B looks pissed off but eats his cucumber anyway. The experiment is immediately repeated and you can see that Monkey B is agitated when his uptown, up-alphabet neighbour is again given a grape. When he is presented with the cucumber this time, he is furious – he throws it out the cage and rattles the bars. I got angry on his behalf and wanted to give the scientist a cucumber in a less amenable orifice. I also felt a bit pissed off with Monkey A, the grape-guzzling little bastard. I’ve not felt such antipathy towards a primate since that one in Raiders of the Lost Ark with the little waistcoat betrayed Indy.

Slingerland explained, between great frothing gobfuls of munched hazelnut, that this inherent sense of fairness is found in humans everywhere, but that studies show that it’s less pronounced in environments where people are exposed to a lot of marketing. “Capitalist, consumer culture inures us to unfairness,” he said. That made me angry.

Poverty and wealth side by side in Bombay, India.
Poverty and wealth side by side in Bombay, India. Photograph: Viviane Moos/Corbis

When I was in India, a country where wealth and poverty share a disturbing proximity, I felt a discomfort in spite of being in the exalted position of Monkey A. Exclusive hotels require extensive, in fact military, security. As we entered the five-star splendour through the metal detectors, past the armed guards, I realised that if this was what was required in order to preserve this degree of privilege, it could not be indefinitely sustained.
These devices that maintain division are what my friend Matt Stoller focused on when I asked him what ideas he had that would change the world. I first met Matt in Zuccotti Park, Manhattan, in the middle of the Occupy Wall Street protest in 2011. Matt understands power: at the time, he worked as a policy-wonk for a Democratic congressman and his days were spent in the cogs of the lumbering Washington behemoth. Beneath his cherubic, hay-coloured curls and proper job, he detested the system he was trapped in.
Since then, he has regularly prised apart the clenched and corrupt buttocks of American politics and allowed me to peer inside at its dirty workings. I asked Matt for ideas that would aid the revolution; his response was, as usual, startling and almost proctologically insightful. “No more private security for the wealthy and the powerful,” he said. I nervously demanded he explain himself. He did: “One economist argued in 2005 that roughly one in four Americans are employed to guard in various forms the wealth of the rich. So if you want to get rid of rich and poor, get rid of guard labour.”
This may be the point in the article where you start shouting the word “hypocrite”. Don’t think I’m unaware of the inevitability of such a charge. I know, I know. I’m rich, I’m famous, I have money, I have had private security on and off for years. There is no doubt that I as much as anyone have to change. Revolution is change. I believe in change, personal change most of all. Know, too, that I have seen what fame and fortune have to offer and I know it’s not the answer. Of course, I have to change as an individual and part of that will be sharing wealth, though without systemic change, that will be a sweet, futile gesture.
Now let’s get back to Matt Stoller, banning private security and ensuring that I’ll have to have my own fist fights next time I’m leaving the Manchester Apollo.
“The definition of being rich means having more stuff than other people. In order to have more stuff, you need to protect that stuff with surveillance systems, guards, police, court systems and so forth. All of those sombre-looking men in robes who call themselves judges are just sentinels whose job it is to convince you that this very silly system in which we give Paris Hilton as much as she wants while others go hungry is good and natural and right.”

An Occupy Wall Street demonstration in New York.
An Occupy Wall Street demonstration in New York. Photograph: Lucas Jackson/Reuters

This idea is extremely clever and highlights the fact that there is exclusivity even around the use of violence. The state can legitimately use force to impose its will and, increasingly, so can the rich. Take away that facility and societies will begin to equalise. If that hotel in India was stripped of its security, they’d have to address the complex issues that led to them requiring it.
“These systems can be very expensive. America employs more private security guards than high-school teachers. States and countries with high inequality tend to hire proportionally more guard labour. If you’ve ever spent time in a radically unequal city in South Africa, you’ll see that both the rich and the poor live surrounded by private security contractors, barbed wire and electrified fencing. Some people have nice prison cages, and others have not so nice ones.”
Matt here, metaphorically, broaches the notion that the rich, too, are impeded by inequality, imprisoned in their own way. Much like with my earlier plea for you to bypass the charge of hypocrisy, I now find myself in the unenviable position of urging you, like some weird, bizarro Jesus, to take pity on the rich. It’s not an easy concept to grasp, and I’m not suggesting it’s a priority. Faced with a choice between empathising with the rich or the homeless, by all means go with the homeless.
He continues: “Companies spend a lot of money protecting their CEOs. Starbucks spent $1.4m. Oracle spent $4.6m. One casino empire – the Las Vegas Sands – spent $2.45m. This money isn’t security so much as it is designed to wall these people off from the society they rule, so they never have to interact with normal people under circumstances they may not control. If you just got rid of this security, these people would be a lot less willing to ruthlessly prey on society.”
Matt here explains that at the pinnacle of our problem are those that benefit most from the current hegemony. The executors of these new empires that surpass nation. The logo is their flag, the dollar is their creed, we are all their unwitting subjects.
“People can argue about the right level of guard labour. You conceivably could still have public police, but their job should be to help protect everyone, not just a special class. If you got rid of all these private systems, or some of these systems of surveillance and coercive guarding of property, you’d have a lot less inequality. And powerful and wealthy people would spend a lot more time trying to make sure that society was harmonious, instead of just hiring their way out of the damage they can create.”

A security guard at a gated community in India.
A security guard at a gated community in India. Photograph: Tom Pietrasik

Matt’s next idea to create a different world was equally cunning and revolutionary: get rid of all titles. “Mr President. Ambassador. Admiral. Senator. The honourable. Your honour. Captain. Doctor. These are all titles that capitalism relies on to justify treating some people better than other people.”
Matt is an American, so when it comes to deferring to the entitled, he is, let’s face it, an amateur compared with the British. Look at me, simpering to Professor Slingerland. I can’t wait to prostrate myself before his sceptre of diplomas. Plus we’ve got a bloody royal family. What’s he going to say about that?
“One of the most remarkable things you learn when you work in a position of political influence is just how much titles separate the wealthy and the politicians from citizens. Ordinary people will use a title before addressing someone, and that immediately makes that ordinary person a supplicant, and the titled one a person of influence. Or if both have titles, then there’s upper-class solidarity. Rank, hierarchy, these are designed to create a structure whereby power is shaped in the very act of greeting someone.”
I’m getting angry again. Matt’s right! Titles are part of the invisible architecture of our social structure. I’m never using one again. If I ever see Slingerland in the street, I shall alert him by hollering: “Oi, fuck-face!” and then throw a hazelnut at him.
What does Matt propose?
“One thing you can do to negate this power is to be firm but respectful, and address anyone and everyone by their last name. Mr, Ms or Mrs is all the title you should ever need. This allows you to treat everyone as your equal, and it shows everyone that they should treat you as their equal.”
This is a provocative suggestion – particularly to those of us who live in monarchies. I mean, in England, we have a queen. A queen! We have to call her things like “your majesty”. YOUR MAJESTY! Like she’s all majestic, like an eagle or a mountain. She’s just a person. A little old lady in a shiny hat – that we paid for. We should be calling her Mrs Windsor. In fact, that’s not even her real name, they changed it in the war to distract us from the inconvenient fact that they were as German as the enemy that teenage boys were being encouraged, conscripted actually, to die fighting. Her actual name is Mrs Saxe-Coburg-Gotha.
Mrs Saxe-Coburg-Gotha!! No wonder they changed it. It’s the most German thing I’ve ever heard – she might as well have been called Mrs Bratwurst-Kraut-Nazi.
Titles have got to go.

Russell Brand speaks at an anti-austerity rally in London.
Russell Brand speaks at an anti-austerity rally in London. Photograph: Ben Cawthra/Rex

I’m not calling her “your highness” or “your majesty” just so we can pretend there isn’t and hasn’t always been an international cabal of rich landowners flitting merrily across the globe, getting us all to kill each other a couple of times a decade. From now on she’s Frau Saxe-Coburg-Gotha.
Come on, Frau Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, it’s time for you to have breakfast with Herr Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. And you can make it yerselves. And by the way, we’re nicking this castle you’ve been dossing in and giving it to 100 poor families.
Actually, you can stay if you want, they’ll need a cleaner. You’ll have to watch your lip, Herr Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, some of ’em ain’t white.
We British have much to gain from Matt’s titleless utopia.
He continues: “If this became common, you’d shortly see sputtering rage from the powerful, and increased agitation from the erstwhile meek. People need to mark their dominance; that is the essence of highly unequal capitalism. If they can’t do so, if they aren’t allowed to be dominant, to be shown as being dominant, then the system cannot long be sustained.”
Matt’s ideas are like the schemes of a cackling supervillain from a Bond movie. At first, they seem innocuous, but then they elegantly unravel the fabric of society. He suggests we start now: “This is something that anyone and everyone can act on, a tiny act of rebellion that takes no money, influence or social status. You just need courage, and every human has that.”
• This is an edited extract from Revolution by Russell Brand, published by Cornerstone. To order a copy for £13.50 (RRP £20) go or call 0330 333 6846

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