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Monday, 18 March 2013

I’m an Atheist, no I don’t worship the Devil but he is my drinking buddy

And they live happily ever after. The End. What a total bullshit. It’s the kind of lies you tell to little kids or naïve minds that everything will be better when it getting worse. I remember when I was six, my kindergarten teacher was telling me some fairy tale about a douche bag named Rumplestilkskin getting tortured and fucked around by a maid turned princess and her King husband. She totally has forgotten what the poor old creature had done for her and she just fucks him over to have her ‘happily ever after’ ending. I mean that is perhaps one of my favourite fairytale ever. It tells you the truth.  You help someone and they take you for granted and leave you crying in the middle of the night. I asked many times to my teacher what ever happen to Rumplestilkskin’s ending. Where is his happily ever after? What is the moral of the story here? She just ignored me and started telling stories about an orphan girl that turned into princess by some help of a fairy god mother. Bet she !@#$%^&* her over too for her happily ever after.

I am not a sadist who finds the darkness in everything neither am I an optimistic little bugger.  I am just a realist, who thinks logically with the evidence provided and with the right conclusions to things but people always find it wrong to question too much and thinks I should just shut the !@#$%^&* up sometimes. I don’t blame them, I can see why it’s so tempting to believe in fairytales, hopes and miracles because it’s so easy to do. You don’t need to think at all. Mankind has become a fat man on the sofa too lazy to get up when it comes to thinking. We all has been very comfortable in our sofa of religious believe and fairytales. Those who do try to think had the label outcast or seen as a virus of the society. 

My name is Neil Adam. The story you’re about to read is not meant for those with a close mind and definitely not for kids. It will contain adult rated contents of nudity, sexual intercourses, foul vulgar barbaric languages, suicides, multiple suicides, death, drug abuse, sexual intercourses, devil worshipping, extraterrestrial contacts, fairy creatures such as an alcoholic leprechaun, more sexual intercourses, religious believe, GOD and did I mention sexual intercourses? So if you’re not ready for my fragmentary randomness journey then perhaps you might want to put this book down and find yourself another book with a more safe and comfortable content, might I suggest ‘The Little Blue Men of God’s Garden of Magical Items’ I heard it’s pretty popular among the parents. It has fairies, god and magical stuff everything a young kid needs to stop thinking and curiosity. If you still somehow find yourself still drawn to this book, let me warn you: I SHALL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR ANY LOSS OF FAITH, COUNTLESS ERECTION’S ACHIEVED AND NOSE BLEEDING DUE TO CONTINIOUS LAUGHTER. (For those who can’t understand the humour, I apologize for your headache trying to grasp your naive mind around such a massive scale of logic.)       


     Why are you an atheist? I once heard this question and I start to wonder, when exactly did I lose my faith? Did I have any faith at all? I know for a certain fact that ever since I was a young boy, I was very curious about the world and constantly asking questions to the point where my teachers were annoyed with endless questions which they themselves had a hard time explaining the answers. After failing to gain any useable information from them, I started searching answers myself. I wasn’t exactly sure when I became an atheist because it feel as if I was an atheist all my life but now finally have the balls to admit myself to be a godless person. I remember the Sunday’s schools that I was forcefully attended when I was eight years old. It when something like this:

Father Ted: According to the Book of Genesis, God saw that mankind had become wicked and declared, “I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man and beast, and the creeping things and the fowls of the air, for it repenteth me that I have made them.”

Me: But father why cant God just destroys mankind alone? I mean its mankind that God is angry at? What did the animals ever do? And the creepy crawling things and the fowls of the air did nothing to anger God, why do they have to be punished for what mankind did? It’s not as if the animals can go up the humans and say “Dude, you’re fucking things up for all of us, mate. Can you please just behave? The big man is having some anger issues right now.”

Father Ted: Well young Neil, God is not punishing all of the animals. If you let me continue, you will see what I mean by this.

Me: Still. Can’t he just at least give some warning letter to the humans to behave or something? It’s as if he has major anger issues there.

Father Ted: He would definitely have given some warnings; after all he is a forgiving god. Now can I continue the story, Neil? Or is there anything else you would like to ask?

Me: Nah, I’m okay for now.

Father Ted: Though God was very angry at man...

Me: How about the women? He’s not angry at them?

Father Ted: God was very angry at Mankind (emphasized), but there was one man who was still good and faithful. His name is Noah. God has decided to save him and his family. God instructed Noah to build an ark and to take into the ark, two of every living thing on the earth.

Me: Wait how big is the ark?  

Father Ted: It was really big.

Me: It has to be big. I mean two of every living thing on the earth! There at the least 1500 species of spiders alone. Did Noah get to choose which species to survive? And the numbers of species of animals in this planet is vast. I may not know the exact number but that is also because the scientists are still discovering many new species of animals today. Does that mean Noah had a holy all knowing encyclopaedia that has all the species?  Imagine how big the Ark has to be. And did he have to build it all on his own? That must take him years to build. He must have amazing knowledge of engineering and zoo keeping. Did he have to go around the world collecting all those animals? How did he manage to get all the animals to follow him and behave? And what happens when the animals in the ark? Wouldn’t they eat each other; I mean they are all part of the food chain. And imagine the amount of animals he has to feed on the ark, and the amount animal’s !@#$%^&* he has to clean. To build an ark with the great size and collect all those animals must have taken him years to get it done. How did Noah do it all by himself, Father Ted?

Father Ted: With the help of God. Magic. 

Me: Then wouldn’t it be easier if God just gave Noah the ark and get the animals to come to him?

Father Ted: Yes but he wouldn’t be able to test Noah’s faith, would he?

Me: God sounds like a big bully then.

Father Ted: He is not, now can I continue with the story of Noah?

Me: He sounds like an angry gay bully but okay. You can continue.

Father Ted: (ignoring me) God then make it rain heavily for 40 days and 40 nights until the entire earth was submerged in water.

Me: Only 40days and 40 nights to submerged the planet? It’s a very big planet you know. Its..


Me: Okay but still the amount of rain and its fresh water will put the ocean’s PH value out of balance. Wouldn’t it kill off the aquatic life?


Me: Okay. But it just sounds like a made up story to me with very bad research.

Father Ted: Okay, that’s it. Follow me to my office Neil. Pastor Robert, can you please take over the class.

     He took me to his office and started to punish me. He blind folded me, asked me to pull down my trousers and make me bend down. He then later on injected my anus with his crucifix until holy waters starts to spray all over me. Of course now I realise that he was a gay minister and he just butt fucked me. The last thing I heard was that Father Ted quit his Fatherhood to open a gay club somewhere in the city and changed his name to Fanny Teddy. I have completely forgotten why I wanted to share you this past of mine. Me getting child molested didn’t actually trigger me to becoming anti-religion in fact it did nothing to me except for the fact that I like having a dildo up my arse each time I have sex with a fellow female companion of mine. No the main reason why I told you about this memory is to show that I curious little chap even at the age of eight.


Shaul Schwarz photography

“Penny? This is going to sound really weird.”

“What is it, Neil?”

“Can you stuff a dildo up my arse?”

“Ooooo, kinky I like.”

       This is why I love Jenny. She is very adventurous when it comes to sex and would not judge me for wanting a dildo up my anus during sexual intercourse. We were both lying naked on my bed. In fact it was the first time we actually lying naked on any bed. It was also Penny first time lying naked in anyone’s bed. She was not what she sounds like right now. At the first glance of this sweet cherry, me like anyone else would find her as incredibly beautiful and innocent young girl. She is no doubt a virgin. Well was a virgin at least before tonight. She is just a very horny and eagerly wanting to explore the sexual world kind of virgins.

       It’s hard to believe that this girl was selling cookies to for a fund raiser at her college few days ago and I happen to be in a very generous mood and now she is here in my room naked and ready to lose her virginity to me. I don’t know why I was so generous that day, must be the short skirt and her geeky school girl glasses that make me do it but whatever the reason is, I’m glad I did it. I mean I’m about to !@#$%^&*, sorry make love to a virgin girl in her early twenties just because I was generous and had an engrossing conversation with her at a fundraiser that I coincidentally find myself in. 

     She sits there lubricating the plastic penis looking so beautiful with her curvy golden hair that covers her baby blue eyes of innocence as her pink strawberry lips are bitten by those perfect white teeth. The sunlight that manages to escaped the curtains bounce perfectly on her amazingly big round breast that feels so comfortable, warm and soft in the palm of my hands. My lips are attached to the sweetness of those nipples as I nibble on them. What happen next should be discreetly kept a secret since it’s her first time, and I still do have some respect for her. So you can let your imagination runs wild as I skip to the next scene. All I can say is that we didn’t leave my house for almost three days straight and we had difficulty of getting accustom to seeing each other with our clothes on.

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