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Saturday, 20 April 2013

Happy 420 : Stoner's Jokes

Do you know what time it is?
Do you know what day it is?

Thats right. Now, Light it up smoke it up. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you to stand behind you to tell you something I know nothing about. Thursday, which is Good friday, we’re having a Father’s Day party for mother’s only. Admission is free, pay at the door, pull out a chair and sit on the floor

Q. How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ?
A. When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter. 

Two old dudes are sittin’ around coolin’ it. 
One say to the other, “Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout, Man?” 
“Oh, I was just reminiscin’ ’bout Woodstock”. 
“Man?!!? You wuz never at Woodstock!” 
Oh,… yeah”.

    These two Stoners are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away.
This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, “Those ones were pointed on the wrong end.” The buddy gets exasperated and says “You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!”

Q. How many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse?
A. None. Alligators can’t fly. 

There’s a stoner and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. 
The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, “Hey I’ll tell you what, I’ll ask you a question and if you don’t know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don’t know the answer I have to give you fifty bucks.” 
The stoner says, “Alright, Man.”

 The genius asks the stoner, “What is the Pythagorian Theory?”
 The stoner replies, “I don’t know,” and hands the genius five bucks.

 “Okay,” the stoner says, “What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?”
The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up.

 He hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, “So, what is the answer?”
The stoner says, “I don’t know,” and hands the genius five bucks.

Question: Why did the stoner cross the street?
Answer: His dealer lived on the other side

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. 
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says “Call me an ambulance!”

The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, “You’re an ambulance!”

Q: How do you keep a stoner in suspense?
 Answer coming soon…

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