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Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Spaced Out

This was something i wrote back when I was in highschool. Not sure if I want to continue the story but best to let it take life on the internet than to let it rot in my pc. Enjoy.

                     For Douglas Adams (thank you)

Spaced Out

  This is a book which the writer hope to be the sequel to the amazing guide to the galaxy for hitchhikers or anyone who is new to the galaxy but of course sadly he didn’t managed to get a permission to do so. Instead he wrote this sad book which amazingly has the same feeling as the guide but a little less amazing in my opinion. He had first wanted to name it The Great Encyclopaedia of the Galaxy or Everything You Need to know about the Galaxy 556 even the title The Galaxy’s Smartest Book crossed his mind but sadly, no one agreed with him. After some thought about the title he decided to name it Spaced Out. Sadly, it is not a hit. What you are about to read is nothing special in anyway and nothing you could possibly learn from this book. It is just another book, and if you chose to purchase this book, then thank you for supplying my pay check. I would try my best to entertain you hoping that you did not regret buying this book and hoping you would introduce it to you acquaintances so I would get some more sales for this book instead just the 100 books bought by my mother.

Chapter 1: The Universe and how small is Earth Compare to it

      [GCSE]. Galactic Council of Scientific Exploration is one of the largest and most influenctial perhaps even the most powerful organization that had ever existed in the Galaxy 556, which is the only galaxy that we’ve known to contain intelligent life forms. We know this for a fact because it’s the very galaxy that you and I are currently living on. Of course by any chances of this book to ever make its way into the hands of a being outside our galaxy, then let me be the first to say “ Hello, Don’t colonize us.”

      The GCSE is a well-known secret organization which is believed to have been created by the early scientists around the disc (galactic version of globe) to over throw the powerful religious group known as the Cilohtac Temple who were restraining the powers of the scientists to have freewill to conduct experiments and study. Even though The Cilohtac Temple is the most powerful religious group but the religion itself, the [Naitsirhc], is the second biggest religion in the galaxy. First of course being the [Malsi] whose highest order is the Cimalsi Euqsom. Why then the Cilohtac Temple is more powerful? Well it is because most of the Milsum (Malsi followers) are relatively poor compare to the Naitsirhc and [Wej] from the Msaiduj religion (third biggest religion), who controls a high percentage of the galaxy’s economy and media. The Malsi, Naitsirhc and Wej had been in war against one another since the recorded history of the galaxy. The GCSE attempts to overthrow the Cilohtac Temple died out after the revolutionary movements of the people against the religious interference of their lifestyle. Of course many conspiracy believer suggest that the GCSE was behind this revolution like they had been in many others.    

      Through out the history of the Galaxy 556, the GCSE had been involved in numerous historical events such as the Galactical Industrial Revolution, the signing of Galactical Truce between the planets and Solar Kingdoms, which lead to the formation of the United Solar Systems Republic ,the highest order of government in the Galaxy 556. GCSE had been in more numerous events, To see more [press here]. Ever since the dawn of the new millennium the GCSE organization had changed its concern from powers over the people to the main purpose of the whole organization in the first place that is productivity in science and knowledge. The organization had experimented thousands of theory on the mysteries of the universe and produced many of our now basic life technologies such as the [Craving-Nators],  [E-minds], and even the notorious [Wormholes Generators] or Teleporters which sadly failed because no one like to end up on the other end of the galaxy having to discover that their atoms had gone haywire.

      The GCSE’s hidden planet, the Garathoa is specially design by the founding fathers of the council for the gifted intellectuals, whether galactically active or alone in their isolated planets. Such honourable position in the community cannot be bought or signed up for; one has to be specially chosen by the council itself throughout the scholarship system. The city of the intellectuals is perhaps the most secretive and well-mannered city in the whole galaxy. One would feel incredibly dumb and undermined to be around by the intellects of the locals and that is perhaps the reasons why it is the worst tourism spots in the galaxy.  This is all true according to the conspiracy believers. 

      What is the truth is hardly in my rights or knowledge to speak of. It is a subject, which had been used in many successful controversial novels such as The Secret Priory by Sahala Gresrtrekla, The Unknown Power of the Intellectual Beings over the Solar Kingdoms by Freela Haggriala, The Numerical Code by Andy White, who amazingly lives on a planet, called earth, which never even heard of the GCSE itself. His book was actually much more popular around the galaxy than in his planet, which only had, 10 books sold mistaken for another book by Dan Brown.

      Earth. Earth is located at Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha of the Galaxy 556. The number 556 was actually given by the man responsible of naming it, Rakya Lanyalah. He was merely impressed by the number and how most of his equations seems to sum up to 556. Honestly, I think its pure coincidence or just another number paranoia that occurs due to extreme exposure to Mathematical problems. Earth is a small greenish-blue planet populated by harmless carbon-based organisms and its third smartest residents are descended of apes although they argues with such facts and ignorant to the other two smarter animals on the planet. It is a bad place to be stranded on for they have no contacts with any other civilizations in the galaxy. It is one of those planets that are cast away even though its life form is far more intelligent than planets like Otara, Slatan and many more, which has no local intelligent beings. Its status of cast out gave the conspiracy believer proof of the existence of GCSE.

This is what they believed:

      Earth is one of Galactic Council of Scientific Exploration’s biggest and perhaps proudest experiments. The origin of the experiment is unknown but the purpose was clear. To study life and evolutions, to understand the expansions of knowledge and civilizations. To strip down the psychological troubles, believe faith and god. Earth had sprung out of the darkness and light the galaxy with new understanding in many aspects even though the residents of this planet remain oblivious to the world out here. It is also believed that the GCSE scholarships programme had been looting scientists and thinkers of this tiny planet ever since the beginning of their civilizations.

      People like Aristotle, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and many more may seems to be unknown to us but that’s their great ones, which earthmen believed to be dead and gone are now living happily on Garathoa with unlimited access to the library of knowledge. GCSE hopes the fresh and unique minds would give a different perspective of their ideas and such. Even though earth’s scientists theories, inventions and discoveries are child’s play compare to the great galaxy’s scientists but it had always intrigue the scholars of GCSE on how an isolated planet managed to gain such knowledge.

           Many of sceptics would say that the rich young pranksters of the galaxy managed to leak out some of our knowledge to them whenever they prank the earthmen with green skins and big black eyes but the scholars ignore these accusations. These abducted scientists of earth had always given the most interesting ideas and theories on many of the unexplained questions of the Universe. The council always kept a close eye on the upcoming minds and thinkers of earth residents believing one day, one of them shall given us the answers or the question of Life, The Universe and Everything. Of course these conspiracy believers had also believed that the answer to everything was found by a female on the planet but was lost as earth was destroyed by Vogons in order to create a by pass for us all. The earth that they live on now is a second model of it and sadly the same female that found the answer had forgotten it.

Chapter 2: A Thursday morning on Earth

      This is the part in most novels where the writer would waste his time and the readers by describing and charactering the main entity of the entire plot of the book. They would managed to add in a little history of the character trying their best to keep you interested even though they know that most readers would just skip this bit, like you are doing right now. The writers would also elaborate and exaggerate as much as the can just to fill up a page so it would look thicker. I too would follow this method for it is tradition as a writer. In fact, if I can I would actually love to leave a s…p…a…c…e after each letter but my editor would just cut it out.

      (The Character) There is nothing special about Adam. He is an ordinary earth teenager with a scruffy long dark hair that mostly covers his hazel-brown eyes. He maybe a little short for 17 years old, (earth) boy and his fashion sense are bad even for the earth standard. (The Description) He is not an athlete or a genius, not a leader nor a follower, he is not that special but yet more unique than others. For starter he talks to himself even to a point where the mental patients start to think he has gone mad with his ideas. He has friends but they do not know him that well.

      This story begins with Adam on the journey to school one average Thursday morning, it was another morning nothing special about it. Like always, Adam would sit on the bus with his pencil scribbling away on his notebook that uncomfortably lay on his lap. He writing down anything that comes to his mind and to his amazement he wrote better materials when he is half-awake in the morning then when he is fully focus on writing something. Like always, he would jump off the bus and make his way through the dark rat infested alley behind the buildings as his baggy school slacks drags behind him. He is the type of student that you would rarely meet in school for he is constantly absent and if the teachers asks for an explanation, he would lie an epic adventure into the world of the unknown. His friends often thinks he is a mad liar but with a good enough heart. Awkardly mysterious, the girls would say. Like a Napolean Dynamite version of the seductive Johnny Depp. If he ever come to school he would always be the earliest there and like always, he would sit there reading a book or writing his never-ever-going-to-finish book.

      On this particular Thursday morning, he was writing more than usual, ideas were rushing through his head like endless waves as he tears the lead pencil in the book. By now, you might get the idea of him being a specially selected earthman that would be honoured by the GCSE in their scholarship systems and to save the suspense I would deny this a little bit before giving in and say yes. However, what would really begin the plot of this not so special novel is not the GCSE having their interest in Adam but more of the friend he has. The only real friend he has if I might add. The friend I’m speaking of is Zoey Alva, who is not at all from Spain as she proudly pronounced to be from but rather from a planet called Nawa. To be more précised she is the princess of this planet that had ran away in order to escape the royal lifestyle but of course Adam had never suspected this. No he was too busy staring and admiring at another girl who long curvy legs had caught the attention of all the boys in school, even thought her intellectual is as useful as a pig’s arse in a vegetarian restaurant.

      Zoey sat down next to Adam with a rush of excitement before shouting into his ears, ‘Good Morning earth man…!!’

      ‘Ouch…do you ever know how not to annoy me at every second of my life? Cant you see I’m a little busy here?’ said Adam agitatedly.

      ‘Oo…sorry mr grumpy… busy? With what? Goggling at miss “I got a round butt and I’m going to show it off” or that lame notebook of yours…’ said Zoey as she reposition herself on the cold cemented bench. Zoey was a remarkably beautiful woman at the age of 69 thought for humans she look nothing more than a shy 15 years old. She had a tanned mid-eastern skin that bolds her unique features of those big brown cat-like eyes that hides underneath that ridiculously long eye lashes along with her small button nose which is so tempting to nibble on (which is the act of marriage in the planet Nawa), and that tender juicy lips which would never shuts up. Her wavy brown hair is now spoilt with numerous stripes of highlight or various colours which seems to change every time Adam sees it. It was astonishing to him because it tends to change according to her mood, for example if she is angry the stripes would turn red, if she is calm then blue. What Adam didn’t know was that, the hair was specially dyed using the latest emotion-hair-dye products out of the Nova beauty enterprise which the earthman thankfully don’t have to deal it, because if the female sex ever look at any of their products then we men are bankrupt for life.

      Zoey Alva was of course not her real name. Her real name was Princess Zoalvain Aishayik from the high prestige planet of Nawa, known for its great knowledge and wisdom which became quite a treat to the USSR, United Solar System Republic, for it was a planet that the religion Malsi originated from. It is a treat because most of the Cilohtac solar systems which by the way rules the most of seats in the USSR hall are facing a deep lost of faith for their god which the Malsi seems to have no problem of what so ever. The people of Cilohtac or Naitsirhc are losing their faith because they got fed up with the whole paying for forgiveness from the temples and start to wonder why do have to do that.  (Princess Zoalvain Aishayik or Zoey Alva is now rummaging through her bag as she sits there in her velvet baggy skirts which reminds you of Romanian gypsies and a blank t-shirt that printed the galaxy and a small red dot in the middle of it that states ‘this is your solar system’ on it. )---[cut out]

      Adam answer her question with a silent as he continue writing but stop and gaze at the purple towel in Zoey’s bag that shown out as she was rummaging for her turkey sandwich. His curiosity forced him to ask, ‘Nice towel, planning to shower in school today? Thought you hate the public showers. Or you plan for something more Zoey-like adventures today?’

      ‘Uh, what? oh… Yeah I hate the showers, these towel are the most important thing I need for my journey today. You see, my friends from outer space are crossing by and I decide that I would join along the ride and slack our way through the galaxy drinking Pan-Galactic-Gargle-Blasters and smoking the Jagan leaves specially picked from my home planet Nawa through long pipes that made out of Bontaprinic’s Ivory to emphasize the flavour and hallucination qualities. It’s going to be quite a trip. Want to come?’ said Zoey truthfully.

      ‘Oh, no thanks thought it sounds quite tempting,’ said Adam thinking her to be crazy like always but her craziness is the one thing that attracts him to her. ‘Just wondering how the hell a towel can be the most important thing out there in the outer space?’

      ‘Not really sure why don’t you ask the Guide?’ she found a red flat almost calculator like electronic device and threw to Adam. He examine the strange device with great care and gave a little laugh when he saw the word ‘DON’T PANIC’ printed on the back with friendly fonts. ‘It’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, one of the most useful things to have ever….’ Adam stared at her in disbelieve, he was used to her talking about strange things but actually bringing a strange device was something new. He though the brain tumour in her head must be growing. He tried to start the device by pressing the screen and all the tiny little buttons on the bottom but nothing happened.

      ‘Great, an advanced civilization alien with a non-working toy and a towel, hope your journey ends well,’ said Adam just as the bell rings and he got up tossed the book back to Zoey and hasted to class. Zoey chased behind him, ‘Wait. Wait there must be a malfunction or something. C’mon you gotta believe me…’

      ‘Zoey, I love your wild imaginations alright but we’re late to class right now, maybe we can continue this afterwards.’

      ‘There will be no afterwards, I came to school today not for the class but to ask you to come along with me, please,’ said the princess with a big kitty eyes and her hand put out forward as an invitation for Adam. ‘I can show you the world you could only dream of…Do you trust me?’

      Adam stared and stuttered.

      ‘Miss Alva and you…’ said the tiny old woman that had her head poke out from the door like a crow and gave Adam the glare that always made him sick. ‘Would you please be kind enough to honour us with your attendance in class?’

      Alva gave a forceful smile before entering the class with Adam slowly behind her.

     Classroom. School. In the less advance region of the galaxy most of the population youngster are still force to attend school which is a place where the [teachers], a slightly smarter and older person teaches this youngster about the knowledge of their known world, which is very little. Schools and classrooms can be best describe as prisons for the youngster, some would say it’s the mere act of the older people trying to make them as miserable as they are by secretly brainwashing them with lack of hope and negative way of thinking.

      Of course, in most part of the galaxy this is banned underneath the Law of Young Adults Rights of 233217  after the long “WE DONT NEED NO EDUCATION” rebellion that most earthmen would compare it to the Vietnam War rebellion but on a bigger scale. After that, all the solar system education was done by using the Knowledge-Installator that allows the youngster to install knowledge of their liking into their mind-chip that only takes about a few minutes to learn one whole course of a subject.

      Of course many of those anti-government rebellious kids sees this as another step of mind control by the authorities but thankfully this kids accusations were ignored and these kids grown up to be nothing more than Hulla-boolas (a space version of hill-Billy). Ever since the new millennium these group of people cease to exist, though some say there are still a few on the planet George W. Bush (the similarity of the name of the planet and the name of the Ex-President of United State Of America is pure coincidence, so say the writer). The hunt for any evidence of these group of people existence has become some sort of a hobby for most of the residence of the Galaxy, pretty much like Earthmen hunting down the Bigfoot monster which is nothing more than their ancestral decedent which they force to a mere extinction a few centuries earlier .

      The air the classroom was stiff and the students were half-asleep especially those in the back. Zoey Alva who is already installed all the knowledge that she ever wanted sat there laughing in her heart at the teacher who is explaining about the law of gravity, this were all but child’s play for her but not for Adam who is having a hard time understanding or even caring about all of it. His mind was elsewhere like how he always does. Today he was thinking what it would be if he had said yes to Zoey a few minutes earlier, they might have the adventure of a lifetime. Feeling all depressed for his lack of courage, he turn to Zoey who sat next to him in class like she always do. She turn to him and smile but that smile faded as the Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic in her bag begins winks quietly giving tiny vibrations enough to catch the attention of the owner and the bewilder Adam.

      Zoey silently grabs her bag, looked into it with an expression of surprised, disgust, and scared all mixed into one as her hair begins to turn from the bright orange of enthusiasm to a revolting puke green. This brought another sense of emotion to Adam whom he cannot describe in words. Zoey plans to return back with the galaxy would be earlier than expected and it is not the friendly visits she was hoping for but rather an old arch-enemy of hers.

      In the ionosphere, many miles above the surface of the planet flashed a black metallic spaceship with fine lines of green decorative. The ship’s sharp pointy edges sliced through the atmosphere of the planet. Only one living creature occupied the ship was named was Eohak Nag, from the dark moon Raathe of planet Nawa. He was a prince of a fallen dynasty of the planet and ever since their downfall, the entire family that had ran away to the moon and began a non-stop war onto the planet in hope of regaining their power over Nawa. Eohak Nag is the last living heir of this dynasty and he had always wanted the Princess Zoalvain as his wife or at least hold her captive in order to ransom his way back to the throne. His wrinkled face was trying it best to force a smile as he stared at the screen. He was wearing his black royal suit with green stripes that gave little squeaks as he reach his gloved hands towards the buttons on the control panel. The ship soared with ease without the detection of earth technology defences thanks to it’s super-stealth mode which normally used by many other aliens especially those pranksters.

      The thick dark clouds began to roll in over the school hiding away the sun as waves of cold breeze wipes through the building open doors and rattling windows. Zoey Alva sat there in the classroom meddling with some sort of electronic device in her bag. Adam look at her in worry. All of a sudden, the theme tune of the Imperial Army of the Dark Side from Star Wars saga begins to sound out of Adam’s cellular phone deep in his pocket. ‘You there how many times do I have to tell you people to turn off your hand phones,’ shouted the teacher towards the worried Adam who is currently digging his pocket. Before the teacher could spat another word out there was a loud bang coming from the sky above the class. The class was in a grave silence as the roof began to shake. Their eyes were fixed on the ceiling, followed by another loud bang before the roof shattered into tiny splinters of wood tearing the classroom ceiling. The class scream and panic as they crouch down in shock. The black ship hover above the building as it opens up a huge luminous hole at the bottom of the ship as the air begins to spiral into it. 

      The spiralling wind grew bigger and strong as it forms a vortex sucking in debris of the roof and the furniture in the classroom. The some of the students ran out for safety while the petrified others grab a hold on something solid. Zoey quickly grabs Adam and began to run towards the door and out into the corridor. The vortex chased behind them and tearing apart the buildings give great damages to the school which the authorities would have a headache explaining it to their accountants. Zoey pulls Adam down the stairs just in time before the stair were completely dematerialize by the vortex.

      They ran through the canteen and the gardens before reaching the car park. The vortex sucked all the noodle soup, main course, dessert and beverages of the canteen but mysteriously leaving everything else intact. The vortex plugs out the trees and bushes, flown away the petting animals in their cages. The thought that gone through the rabbits were, Yeah we’re free…! Wait, why are we flying in circle? Damn I knew this would happen one day. Strangely enough the only thought that when through the turtles were, Flying? Again?

      The pavement of the cark park cracked and began to tear apart from the ground as the cars fly towards the vortex. As the Zoey and Adam rushed towards the exit, a car screeched its tyre in front of them being pulled towards them by the vortex. Their instinct told them to dodge aside but of course nobody listens to their instinct and they decide to jump on top of the car and off the other side. As Zoey was jumping off from the car her feet didn’t land back on the ground but instead pulled towards to vortex. She scream and reached out for Adam who barely reached her fingers but caught the purple towel she threw to him.

      With whatever strength he had in his small little muscles, he pulled the towel towards him fighting against the current of the vortex. As this strange little struggle was happening of the surface of the planet another space ship smoothly glides through the atmosphere and towards the scene. The ship was yellow and green in colour and had the shape of two large wings that resembles an old second World War (earth) fighter plane’s wings. Those huge yellow wings are the size of a jumbo jet aeroplane for each wings are attached to a large green body that looks like a huge turbine engine with the three silver propeller in the front and a washed out golden turbo exhaust at the back that. The  ship make its descent a few miles beside the black ship and send out a signal to Zoey Alva’s electronic thumb in her bag.

      Zoey Alva was still floating a few feet above ground grabbing onto the towel that the tired looking Adam was trying his best to pull. Zoey let go of one hand to rummage through the bag for the electronic thumb. She pulls it out and throw it to Adam before shouting, ‘Wear it on your thumb and point it up to that spaceship…!’ She pointed at the yellowish green ship that Adam had barely notice.

      Adam grabs the thumb just before it flew away into the vortex and quickly wear it. He then point it upwards to the other space ship. Adam and Zoey Alva was beamed by a ray before gently levitating towards the opening of the yellow green space ship.

Chapter 3: The Far-Out

      Adam could here voices and movements all around him. He was afraid to open his eyes but reluctantly opened them to make sure he was safe. If being in a space ship full of weird being from all over the galaxy and dashing thousands of light years away from his home planet was safe, then he is safe. Adam was now in a cabin in a spaceship called the Farout, notoriously known to the Galaxy police as a juvenile prankster famously known for their recent gag of the second coming of prophet Rown Vinci.

      The prophet Rown Vinci announced to the followers to pray through hard-core rock concert and massive consumption of alcohol and hallucination trips from the usage of Jagan leaves as a divine meditations. He also banned clothing and encourages massive orgy parties as acts of devotion. The followers oblige to his commands and did all of these just to be an embarrassment to the entire Galaxy. The followers got really pissed with the Farout gangs when they found out that their second coming prophet was a fake and had a huge boycott against them.

      Sadly, their region of solar system is only a small area compare to the galaxy and the Farouts had no problem of what so ever with this boycott. Of course, when the prophet Rown Vinci did come back none of his followers cared and decided to tie him to a giant Bugblaster Beast until he die. Mysteriously enough the very next day all of the Rown Vinci’s followers had terrible diarrhoea and died of over defecating. 

      Zoey was holding Adam up and checking his conditions using a device very strange to Adam. ‘Are you okay?’ asked Zoey.

      ‘Am I okay? No I’m not okay. What the hell happen back there? Where the hell am I?’ shouted Adam.  
      ‘Back there was a creep name Eohak Nag. He wanted to kidnap me for ransom like he always do but don’t worry about it. He long gone. He wont bother us not if we keep moving. You are now in the Farout space ship. My home,’ said Zoey with a smile.

      ‘Wait...what? I don’t understand,’ puzzled Adam.

      ‘Look Adam, I’m not from Spain at all. Don’t you find it weird I didn’t speak Spanish in my first day of class?’

      ‘Well, yeah but you were an expert on the second class.’

      ‘Yeah, I downloaded Spanish lessons in my head. I’m actually from a planet call Nawa in the Malsi region of Ikim, just next to the planet Naboo. And guess what my name isn’t Zoey at all. It’s Zoalvain,’ explain the girl to the stuttering boy. ‘Adam, you are in outer space now.’

      ‘Out…space? Space…Out?’ stutter the boy.

      Adam sat on a small staircase in front of the gate to the vast cabin which was wood design on the walls and fury colourful carpets covering the metal floor. In the middle of the cabin there was a set of sofa and other furniture including the man-size lava lamp that actually consist of real active miniature volcano that keep erupting colourful lava in the liquid every few minutes. Next to the lamp was a full set of huge speakers that was beating alternative rhythms of converge rock, reggae, ska, indie, jazz and blues symphony. Which strangely enough calms Adam down.

      Even though it is the first time Adam had been on a spaceship he had the oddest calm sensation maybe because of the homely interior design of the ship or maybe he was not in the right set of mind. The ship Farout is currently gently sailing through the endless void of space just escaping the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral Arm of the Galaxy which lies the small unregarded yellow sun which the Adam’s home planet, earth orbiting at the distance of roughly ninety-two million miles.

      Adam stand frozen in shock before Zoalvain came by to unfroze him. ‘Adam, let me introduce you to the rest of the crew,’ she said while guiding him to the sofa where a tall skinny teenager lay down with his shoulder length dirty blonde hair which reminds Adam of a famous rockstar name Kurt Cobain. As they walked on the carpet Adam felt the fury short tentacles of the carpet moving and giggling but he said nothing. ‘This is Krizz Naiboc,’ she said to Adam. ‘Krizz, this is Adam.’ Krizz ignored her while continue concentrating on his mind-games.

      Krizz Naiboc originated from Betelgeuse Five and was in an upcoming galaxy rock band called The Black Hole Plugs before the band tragic concert on a huge space platform on the edge of an active black hole. Sadly the band could only play one thirty minutes song before the crowds and the platform were sucked into the black hole along with his band mates. By some miraculous luck, Krizz was able to escape this black hole thanks to his toilet break on their space-limo. The band agents had a terrible lawsuits and his attempt on a solo carrier ended before he could even begin.

     On the opposite was another teenager more descent looking, he has simple red hair. ‘That is Jack Simboitex,’ she pointed at him. Adam was about to say hi but stop as he saw the boy split into two identical twins. ‘That is John Simboitex. If you can tell the difference between them you must be mad. They or rather he is a simboit perhaps the last one of his kind. He has the ability of splitting his cells into only two identical self. John, Jack this is Adam.’

      Jack and John Simboitex is the last living descended of the amazing life form of the Simboitex family tree which evolved from the ocean of Vogonsphere but unlike the Vogons which evolution just gave up on, the Simboitex had extra evolution. The Simboitex evolved into a fully humanoid creature underwater before leaving the oceans and on the ground they gain the ability of splitting into two just to confuse the Vogons but sadly most of them were killed by the Vogons before they fully populate themselves to a safety number on the ground.
      This all happen few decades ago just before the reinstallation of the planet earth which the Vogons destroyed. The installation of course made the Vogons really up set and with this new species on the land didn’t actually made them cheerful lads, not as if that was possible. Jack and John Simboitex was saved by the Farout crew when they were at Vogonsphere irritating the Vogons.

       Zoey Alva and Adam made their way to the control panel where a pale skin girl with greyish shoulder short blonde hair was meddling with the system. ‘This is Alice-Kate Naiboc, Krizz younger sister,’ introduce Zoey. Adam smile but instantly regret it. Alice gave him a cold vampire-like stare that gave chill at the back of Adam’s neck. ‘What are you smiling at, ape-man?’

      Alice-Kate Naiboc was said to have sold her soul to the devil just to have the ability to speak and control technologies with her mind. Of course that devil was actually the Death Star computer company which is known for its great computer supplies with super high prices. One computer system would cost the same amount of incomes of a small planet. The soul that Alice sold was of course her lifetime saving. She was terribly miserable ever since though she seem pretty happy just sitting by herself with the computer.

      Zoey then show Adam a huge blank screen. ‘This is uncle Ernie,’ she said just as the screen lights up with a figure of a crooked old Indian-like man. ‘Hey uncle Ernie, how is it going in there?’

      ‘Everything just as it was. Haven’t seen you along time, what you been up to? Stealing those Zarqous Protons Energizers again haven’t you?’ said the computer programme in a harsh cold but yet friendly voice.

      ‘Nah, just stuck on a planet. Nothing much. Eh, Ernie, is Zuki still around?’ she asked.

      ‘Yeah, she still around. Got a problem missy?’ said the girl who just walked into the room. She had a proportioned body that emphasized by her shorts and her tight shirt that strangles her chest till her boobs look like its about to pop right out of there anytime. She had the looks of a Japanese or Korean pop singer with her all so colourful hairstyle that was constantly changing.

      ‘Zuki! Hey girl how you been? Urm meet Adam. Its his first time out of his planet,’ said Zoey.

      ‘I’m fine. Hey Adam. First time out in the space? You wanna see a real space sensation?’ said the horny girl that done checking Adam out and was all over him, literally. Adam stood there not sure to reply back her request.

      ‘Alright Zuki, that’s enough,’ said Zoey pulling Adam away from her and leading him to the spiralling staircase. ‘He still lack of protein and little fragile for you to do your wicked ways on him.’

      Zuki Anatak, from the planet Edogawa of the vicinity Yata was a naturally sexually active especially with her age where she just discovered sexual pleasure. It is also a common fact that most of the girls from that vicinity are horny little girls that are amazing in bed. It is a favourite place for most horny and lustful men, hitchhikers and bored-with-their-wives husbands.

      It is also a place where you can easily get sexual infections such as the disgusting Gnarle’s pimple-on-your-privates infection, Haoona’s monkey-out-of-your-butt catastrophe and the infamous Weenie Drop suffering. It is also a great place for doctors for they get a wholesome of money to treat this diseases and keep the angry wives away.

      As Adam and Zoey slowly descend up the spiralling stairs, a strong figure stood there coming forward into the light towards them. The figure was a female with dark skin and tall curvy body. On top of that nicely clothed like a hippy body fixed a beautiful face with her moist kissable lips, her long sharp nose and those gorgeous tangerine eyes. She also had long and perfect dreadlocks that tied neatly as a bundle at the back of her head.

      ‘This is the captain of the ship, her name is Nairobi Windhoek,’ said Zoey with respect. ‘Nairobi, this is Adam. He’s coming along with us.’

     ‘Well, well, an earthman on my spaceship. I am honoured, Adam,’ said the captain shaking the hand of the still in shock Adam.

      Nairobi Windhoek was born on the now destroyed planet of Rwanda of the Africa vicinity, (the similarity of the name with earth is pure coincidental) she had been always on the go ever since she was young for her parents were great leaders who rebel against a warlord in the vicinity and had their parents on a death-list. She was only 20 Rwanda years old (equivalent to 7 earth years) when her parents were killed.

      She had been living an orphan life of a space rat eating whatever she can get. When she was older and much more wiser, she successfully  lead the young rights movements of 23327 into victory. She owns the Farout ship when the rebellion calms down and her name began to fade, she went out searching for adventures and stumble across the Naibocs, Zuki, Princess Zoalvain and the Simboitex.

      ‘Wait a minute, who say anything about having a captain on this ship? If anyone was to be appointed captain it would be me?’ said Krizz in a thick cockney-like accent as he curiously interrupt.

      ‘Krizz, we all know you and frankly no one trust you to be a captain with your reckless and mad ideas,’ said Zoey.

      ‘Oh we’ll see about that,’ he said as he walks to the ledge of the platform and shouted at the crews, ‘My friends of the great spaceship Farout. I hereby ask you most sincere votes to nominate me as the captain of this great ship,’ said Krizz in a manner of presidency candidate. Jack and John was just about to speak before Krizz quickly continued, ‘But..but..but before you vote remember I will bring you great and more enjoyable expeditions and adventures beyond your imaginations. Now Vote..!!’
      Silent. No one raised a hand. They gave a quick look at each other before resuming their life. Even the computer programme Uncle Ernie ignored all of these. Jack spoke ‘We already elected Nairobi to be our captain, Krizz.’ John continued. ‘If you did remember?’

      ‘I remember of no such treason,’ shouted the lost candidate.

      ‘Krizz you did vote, remember at…’Nairobi tried to explain but were stop by Krizz.

      ‘Shh…bask in your glory my worthy opponent,’ quivered the man as he pace his way to his room. He look down at the crew and shouted ‘Mutiny…!!’ before entering his room. Though this all may seems serious to Adam but something the way Krizz actions though he took the matter quite seriously his action show a less tension and hilarious character.

     ‘Is he going to be fine?’ worried Adam.

     ‘Yeah, he’s always like that. A little freaky but again we all are,’ said the captain.

      ‘So captain Nairobi, sir! Where are we going?’ fooled Zoey.

       ‘Well we’re heading towards the Allosimanius Syneca for a skiing trip but stopping over at Etermnal for a quick refill of our requirements,’ said Nairobi. ‘Maybe get this space-rookie a quick lessons in space knowledge. Don’t want him not knowing anything about the galaxy later if he gets lost… he’s lunch.’

      ‘Wait, I’m coming along? Why cant you just drop me back off on earth?’ ask the nervous Adam. He wasn’t really nervous about the space but more of the home-planet sick feeling most would get especially on their first space journey.

      ‘Adam, we are thousands of light years away from earth, home works, school, everything you know is far behind and quite frankly useless and boring. Just follow me and don’t worry,’ persuade Zoey. Adam thought about this, the word useless came across his mind and exactly that moment a useless piece of junk fell out of the air ventilation. ‘Ica, hey there you are. What you doing up there?’

      It was a red 3 feet tall cuboids robot that had cube as its head and spring-like neck and joints. It had two round yellow spotlight eyes that blinked rapidly trying not to corrupt its system any further. This useless piece of junk call ICA, Intelligent Characterized Android but there was nothing intelligent about it. It was a millennia old robot that had failure of behaving like a normal robot.

      Instead it took the character of a super hyper paranoid maniac kid on sugar rush. It founded the Farout crew when they were temporary stranded on a asteroid. It have a strange obsession with fizzy can drinks and had a whole collection of it which he secretly hides in the air ventilation. ‘Nothing,’ it said in a cute robotic psychopath girl’s voice.

      ‘Ica, this is my friend Adam. Be nice to him okay and say hi,’ said Zoey to the dizzy android.

      ‘Hello…….., there Mr. ADAM…sir!! My name is Ica,’ shouted the robot.

      ‘Hi Ica, urm nice to meet you?’ said the freaked out Adam.

      ‘Nice to meet you too…Please executed me…,’ said the android before skipping down the stairs and falling down. ‘Ica is fine. Weeeeeee……….’

      ‘She means excuse not execute. There some wiring malfunction in her head that nobody can fixed. Not even Alice Kate could fix her,’ said Zoey. ‘Now ready for a quick lesson in space travel?’


Chapter 4:

      Jagan Leaves. In the heart of the Nawa planet lies a vast amount of unwanted sands that made up the Saqqara dessert, like most dessert is too hot and too dry for most plants to grow and for most life forms to exist. But amazingly a single species of plant thrive here without any competitions of whatsoever, it is of course the great Jagan plants which extracts its source of water from the only animal that roams the dessert, the Honnu monkeys which in return eat these Jagan leaves to survive.

     Most traveller of the great dune would be astonish of these two organisms co-existing with each other, but they would be more astonish by the behaviour of the monkeys because unlike any other creature in the galaxy these monkeys seems to be happy and love to laze around until they die. Soon the travellers would taste the wonders of the leaves and too be lazy with their live. The trouble is with consuming the leaves is that the effect would last for a long term because of the time it took for it to completely digested and the time the person got back to a normal state of mind was at least several months for just one leaves.  At one point of the history of Nawa, the people overly consumed the leaves that they got high for almost a decade before waking up in dusts.

      A bright young man named Nazareen Farhon comes up with the idea of smoking the leaves instead of consuming it and by doing so they would be able to enjoy the great sensation of the leaves for only a short period of time. This man also created a religion around the greatness of the leaves and amazingly had thousands of followers. The Nawa kings was really pissed off with this fake religion that he ordered for the exile of Nazareen Farhon and his followers along with the death penalty to anyone who smoke or consumed the Jagan leaves.  

      The religion of Nazareen Farhon was called Nazareth and his followers the Nazarenes founded a planet which they named Zaiava after the name of their new found Goddess of the Jagan Leaves. The planet is a quite remarkable place for the inhabitants seems to have a thriving economy even though most of the populations are constantly under the influence of the new replanted Jagan trees. This is because 2/3 of the lands are filled with the Jagan trees plantation, which the first prime minister, Bob Marley (another coincidence) bought some Jagan seeds from a sneaky merchant of Nawa and he ordered the massive plantations. The lifestyle and culture of this planet revolves around this magical tree.

      Through my personal experience, this is what I can tell you about the greatness of smoking the leaves. At first inhalation, you would taste this cocoa bitterness on your taste bud and then a sweet dairy chocolate as you exhale. After that, your brain would feels like being compressed down a tiny little tube before you feel a million needles poking through your skin at the same time. Then you would lose all seven senses of your body before you float away into hallucination and wondrous feeling. It is best smoke in an anti-gravity chamber or spaceship.
      The Farout ship gently swayed through the darkness as the passengers float in pleasure in the anti-gravity cabin that is filled with purple haze.

 I was supposed to continue this story from there but I got lazy...and jumped straight to Chapter 23. 

 Chapter 23: Adam and Eve in Garden of Eden

      Adam woke up with a start, opening his eyes to face a large bearded man in white coat standing over him. ‘You’re alive…!’ he shouted. ‘I was beginning to worry seeing your atoms falling apart like that. You must have gone through a malfunction teleporter,’ added the man as he paced his way to the medical droid and pull out a bottle of tangerine liquid. ‘Drink this, it will make you feel better,’ said the man handing the bottle over to Adam.

      Adam had the biggest headache ever, like being hangover after millenniums of alcohol consuming nights. He thought a kick to the head by a kung fu master would be miniscule compare to this pain. He drank the liquid given to him by the strange man with long wavy white hair and beard which reminds him of a someone he knew but couldn’t put his fingers on. He began to feel a lot better after forcefully gulping down the bitter liquid. Deep inside him he could feel his body being restore its health. He focused his mind to the environment, seeing white scientific equipments in a white chamber he conclude that he was in a hospital. The man walks over to him and checks his condition using device only dreamt about by the earth doctors.

      ‘Urm…hey, where exactly am I? And who are you?’ ask the curious Adam.

      ‘Where we are right now is at Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha of the Galaxy 556. Who I am I is not so important as who you are. You’re the one beaming onto my ship.’ Said the man in a deep wise and respectful voice.

      ‘I am sorry. I don’t know what happen. One minute I was at a spaceship with my friends about to be doomed then the next I was here.’

      ‘Did you when through a teleporter? Of course, you must have. According to the condition of your atoms, you must have travelled a long distance over time and space.’

      ‘Time? Wait; did you say Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha? Isn’t that where earth is at?’ ask Adam anxiously.

      ‘What you know about Earth? Did they reveal earth to the galaxy in the future?’ said the man worriedly.

      ‘No, no. I was born there. Wait, what do you mean in the future? When am I?’

      ‘Boy, you when back in time, couldn’t be sure how far back since I don’t know when you came from but did you said you’re from that planet earth?’

      ‘Yeah I am. Why?’

      ‘Well currently its inhabitants are so primitive that they have yet to discover fire. Wow. A look into the future of these ape creatures. From no intellectual to space travelling. Makes my job a lot more exciting,’ said the man as he gaze and investigate Adam with great curiosity.

      ‘Your job? What is your job?’

      ‘I’m being post here to study the evolution of life. It’s quite a thrilled actually. Eh, earthman, what is your name?’

      ‘My name is Adam.’

      ‘Well Adam, you can call me professor. Welcome to Eden. Let me show you around.’ He led Adam out of the chamber and into wide open control station that had the illusion of a wider space than actually is thanks to the curving of the white walls. The professor gave him a quick tour of the huge spaceship that consists of many marvellous rooms and even had its own garden. The man leads Adam up to his laboratory to end his tour.

      ‘Now, earthman. Do you want to see my invention?’ ask the professor but before Adam could answer he continued, ‘this are my personal Androids I called them Angels. Just look at them beautiful and perfect in every way.’ He showed Adam a troop of white androids that responds to Adam stare in the most humble and kind way.

      ‘This is their leader, Gabrielle. She’s my favourite.’ He chuckles and pointed at a great and smarter looking android that almost look like a real human except for the hint of decorated wings pattern on its back. ‘This is well, her sister Satane. Unlike Gabrielle who follow my every command, Satane is an Artificial Intelligent. She has a mind of its own. Sometime I don’t get anything through to him.’ He said in disappointment showing a red broad chest android with his two antennas on his forehead looking like horns.

      ‘Creator, how may I excite your life today?’ said Satan in desperate attempt to gain some attention and hopefully replace Gabriel as his favourite. Professor walks away with Adam almost ignoring it. ‘Oh Okays then I’ll be here if you need me.’

‘I am going to dispose of it very soon. Really annoying having it around.’ Whisper the professor to Adam.

‘Adam, I hope you would get upset with me because I made a clone of you just in case you didn’t make your recovery. And I also made a female version of your DNA. Sorry I get a little bored around here.’ Said the man in a sincere tone.

      ‘I’m sorry did you say you clone me and made a female me?’ said the puzzled Adam.

      ‘Yeah I did its over here.’ The professor showed him two translucent coffins, one had his body lying down naked with tubes running through his veins while the other coffin had a beautiful woman also nude and also with tubes running through her veins but the woman seems to be less alive compare to the man. ‘The woman is named Eve. I don’t know why. I just like that name. I got her out of your broken ribcage. Weirdly enough when I clone you, your clone seem to have an extra ribcage than you. So I decide to rip it off and create a female version of you. Isn’t it cool?’

      ‘Wait, I don’t want any clones. Even though the female version of me is somewhat hot but still. I’m alive now you can shut down this machine and dispose of these clones,’ said Adam in protest.

      ‘I can’t stop the process it’s already completing. Look I won’t add your memory into this clone alright so you can have it and made it your personal slave or something.’

      ‘I don’t want a slave especially when it looks like me.’

      ‘Look it’s too late alright, it already complete.’

      ‘I don’t want to be here when it wakes up. It will be awkward for both of us. I’ll find my way to the canteen. I am getting famished.’ Adam dashed out of the laboratory not wanting to face himself.

      ‘That’s a good idea. You need to restore back your energy. Good for you. You don’t mind if I keep your clones do you?’ shouted the professor.

      A bluish cloud crawls out of the coffin as the door was lifted and the man rises from the bed in shock. He stared at the professor and asks ‘Who am I? Who are you? Where am I? What am I?’
      ‘Your name is Adam. I am your creator. I created you. You are a human being and you are now in Eden high above the earth in the heavens cloud. You are my greatest creation yet.’

      The professor showed the clone out and into the gardens where the Angel droids were bowing down to the ground checking the soil condition and analyzing it. The clone of course misinterpret this as an act of respect since he thought he was the Creator greatest creation and not this Angels droids. This was also misinterpret by the Satan who got so envious of the cloned Adam that he decide to strike but was hold back by the Angels droid. ‘I will never bow down to this man. I am so much more greater than him.’ Shouted the Satan.

      ‘Angels, take this Satan away to H.E.L.L (Heating-Etha Lower Level) where she shall burn in fire pits where he once came from.’ Shouted the professor. ‘Now Adam stay here in this garden and enjoy yourself, I’ll be back soon.’

      There was Adam (clone) happily roaming in the garden of Eden until suddenly he saw animals that had mates to hold onto and he began to wonder. And soon the professor was back with Eve by his side. ‘Adam this is Eve, I made her out of your ribcage. She is your partner. Now be happy and enjoy the wonderful garden but remember don’t touch that Apple tree,’ said the professor before leaving the garden.

      Back in the laboratory.

      ‘So where’s those things?’ said the real Adam sipping a cup of coffee, by now he was getting used to the space food and drinks.

      ‘They are in the gardens. They really quite nice actually. I think..’ he was interrupt by a live video feed he is seeing on screen. ‘Argh…!! They are eating my apples…I was saving those for my pies…’ he quickly turn on the camera which allowed him to appear on the ceiling screen of the garden. ‘What is this? Adam…what have you done? Didn’t I forbid you to eat those apples?’

      ‘It was Eve’s idea. She tempted me. She and that Satan in the form of this snake. Please god don’t banish me.’ Accused Adam to poor Eve and the puzzled innocent snake that was just gliding by.

      ‘I will set a punishment for you, just wait.’ Said the professor furiously as he turn off the feed. ‘That’s it I going to brainwash them so that they listened to all my commands without any mistakes.’

      ‘Wait,’ said the real Adam, a story he had once read crossed him mind. ‘Lets banish them onto earth.’

      ‘I cant do that. That’s against my protocol. I’ll be interfering with the life down there.’

      ‘Look this is earth. My earth. I know what I am doing, trust me.’

      The big clouded shape spaceship swoop down straight into somewhere between Africa and Middle East and drop the cloned Adam and Eve softly on the ground before leaving the earth atmosphere. Inside the ship, the real Adam explains how they two are actually the first ever humans on earth even though they are clones. He also explain how the professor would be praised as a god and that this whole event would be written about and debated as the beginning of mankind, since scientist who believe in the evolution suggest that they are actually ape descent even with that missing link between the DNA. This was all mind boggling for Adam for he had never ever dreamt of being the first man on earth nor did he had any idea of how such thing can happen. It didn’t matter much to him now, since he’s feeling better for another trip through the teleporter.  

      ‘Wow, what a remarkable story. So your saying that 70 percent of the population that thrive in the future of the earth actually comes from this clone of yours and the created a whole religion on trying to explain that little incident. Haha… hilarious.'

'Well yes. But I dont think it is 70 percent of the population of human races are from my clone. I think that it blended back into the evolutionary progress of the homo sapien right now. It would explain why some men are more in touch with mother nature and why those who came from your little chemistry set are more distant in their own isolation. That is why some men find themselve alien to their planet while others are willing to sacrifice to save her. '

 ‘Interesting, did I do some intervention with your history?’ asked the professor as he show Adam to the teleporter.

      ‘Yeah, actually according to history you did a lot of interventions. But I sincerely rather hope you will not for the whole of mankind. Are you sure its safe for me to go?’ ask Adam nervously.

      ‘Yeah it will be fine, you only got screw up because of the teleporter you got on was malfunction. This one is just fine. Now I have checked your atoms data and make a roughly graph of your pathway through time. I might be off maybe ten years or so.’


      ‘Don’t worry, you got your towel. You’ll be just fine. You’ll figure out then. Take another teleporter if you have to but remember to check and set it first. Don’t want to end up melting again do we?’

      ‘Uh…okay. Wait what is your name?’ said Adam as he stand nervously in the tube.

      ‘Professor Yahweh,’ said him as he press the button. Adam gave a little shrug before being split into a trillion atoms.

      Now if you ever studied the history of the earth, which I doubt anyone has unless you’re an earth being, then you would definitely sums up this entire event to the story of Adam and Eve from the holy scriptures of the semantic religions. They amazingly was right to the astonishment of those scientist that been trying to prove their existence by evolution of ape, thought the truth was not so divine. This chapter of the novel would of course upset both religious and scientific groups of the planet earth for the cant accept defeat and prefer to deal in denial. The idea of a man who decent from a clone of himself was even more improbable than finding out your wife is actually yourself after a gender change going back in time making sure you are not lonely for the rest of your life. This of course happened to the infamous Canip Tnod, a famous scientist who figure out the Improbablity drive and were lynched by other scientist because they cannot stand a smart-ass.

      Those who study the complex interplay of cause and effect in the history of the Universe, say that this sort of thing are going all the time but we are powerless to prevent it.

      ‘It’s just life,’ they say.   (Excerpt from the Guide.)

Holy shit. This was written 5 years ago. Damn nigga, my grammars and vocabulary skills were terrible back then. Or perhaps I was stoned when I wrote this. Thank Gaia, I have improved. Should I re-write and extend it? 

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